


Numb

by portlandborn



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 08:52:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17040650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/portlandborn/pseuds/portlandborn
Summary: Numb – Amy is pregnant and she and Jake are thrilled, if not very nervous, but a life changing event occurs that could undo everything they have unless they both learn to work through it and accept that life isn’t always what you want it to be.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Readers, if you enjoy this at all, please comment or kudos, based on response, I may shut this story down. Thank you

Amy

The waiting room was busy, as she looked around, Amy saw some men there with their wives, she thought of Jake, she had known for a month and a half that she was pregnant yet hadn’t found the courage to tell him. After the bomb scare at their wedding, which followed a two-month period of Jake in prison, Jake had gone on and on about how he just wanted stability, he simply wanted no surprises, for at least a little while.

The magazine wasn’t holding her attention, the receptionist told her they were running behind, her phone buzzed, she winced as she saw it was a text from Jake.

Jake: Ames howz the dr? Howz the “cold”

Amy frowned at her phone, her thumbs started flying.

Amy: What do you mean? You think I’m faking, and you can do quotation marks but not spell how’s correctly?

Jake: I know u r pregnant, u dont hide things well. Plus, u talk to urself when u think im asleep

She closed her eyes, a tear came to the corner, she paused for a second before starting to type again.

Amy: If you knew, then why aren’t you here, and why didn’t you say anything?

She waited, there was no reply.

“Because I thought you should tell me when you were ready, I didn’t want to freak you out and I wanted you to wrap your head around it.”

Amy jumped, even though he had said it quietly. “Jake, what the hell!” Amy softened as she saw several people staring, “seriously, you couldn’t let me know?”

Jake grinned, “I really wanted you to get comfortable enough to tell me, but I wanted to support you and be at the appointment today, you talked to yourself about it a lot last night while you thought I was asleep.”

Amy and Jake

Doctor Rivera, Amy’s OBGYN smiled as she looked at the scan from Amy’s ultrasound. “Amy, everything still looks great. Eight weeks and we can tell you what the sex of the baby is, if you want to know.”

“Hells yeah we do!” Jake immediately realized he yelled that, “sorry, but of course we do, right Ames?”

Amy rolled her eyes at him, “thanks for the support, yes doctor, we would like to know. I’m a bit on an A type personality.” Jake coughed loudly, “problem Jake?” Amy stared daggers at him.

“Ames, I love you, but you full on OCD, in a good way. Doctor, she’ll have binders on both sexes before she finds out.”

Amy stared at him some more, then she turned to the doctor, “I am somewhat OCD, but I’m very organized and well planned, that’s how I prefer to see it.”

Dr. Rivera, a short Hispanic woman in her late fifties laughed, “It’s fine, many parents like to be well prepared, some fathers too.”

Amy made a strange sound, “him? No. He’s better than he was, but planning, not his thing.”

“Offensive, but true.”

That night, in their apartment, Amy sighed as she lifter her shirt and looked at her stomach in the mirror. Jake came behind her and wrapped his arms around her stomach, “Hey, don’t start worrying already, you look great, and you will continue to look great, you have a blobbish thing in you.”

Amy kissed him on the cheek, “that blobbish thing is our child, detective, our baby. How are you so calm about this?”

Jake released her and turned Amy so they were facing each other, “Ames, I heard you for nights talk about this, I was a little freaked out, but hearing you worry made me realize, I had to be the calm one, like you’ve done for me and I’ve done for you, one of us has to be calm, it’s the relationship rule.”

Amy closed her eyes, “thank you, this was stressful, I didn’t want to stress you out, our relationship has never exactly been stress-free. You and change, not great friends.”

Jake nodded, “I know, I freak out about a lot of things, but this is not just about me, it’s mostly about you, I may be selfish and all that, but I understand this…”

Amy kissed him, “I’m sorry, I should have trusted you more.”

Jake smiled, “Aint no thang Ames, aint no thang.”

“Ugh, we do have to work on your maturity a bit, but you still surprised me, in a good way.”

Amy

As she sat at her desk in her office at the precinct, her computer screen flashed a picture of a baby as Jake sent her a picture of a stork with a baby with the caption, “when should we tell people? you’re super obvious about everything!”

Amy frowned, but Jake was right. She didn’t want to face everyone, she knew that as a sergeant, she would have to tell her uniformed officers herself in a briefing, but the detectives and Holt, that was different. She pulled up a file, she had looked at it many times, it had all the information, was addressed to everyone, but she was unsure if she wanted to do it so impersonally. 

Another message popped up on her screen from Jake, “just tell them, in an email, you’ve talked about that a lot as well.”

She laughed as she edited the message to sound happy about it, which she was, and hit send. Within two minutes, she heard screaming from the floor above, she knew it had to be Charles and she felt bad for Jake. A few minutes after the ruckus from above, the elevator opened, and Terry came out, a huge smile across his face. He entered Amy’s office and closed the door. “Sergeant Peraltiago, congratulations! I’m so happy for you guys. You know, anything you need, you let Terry or Sharon know, right?”

“Thanks, Terry, I will.”

Terry shook his head, “you should see Jake, he’s so proud, I can’t believe it’s the same guy that sold his car to pay off his debts to all of us. He’s an actual grownup.”

“I know, I’m learning not to be surprised by him anymore.”

“Holt actually hugged him.”

Amy’s mouth dropped a little, “oh man, I wish I could have seen that.”

Terry laughed, “I know, it’s rare, like a unicorn sighting or something.”

Amy and Jake

Victor just smiled and patted Jake, who he was sitting by, on the shoulder, Camila hugged Amy and Karen wept.

“Oh Jakey, this is wonderful. I’m so happy for you! I’m sure your father is too, wherever he is these days.”

“Moms, don’t mention him and ruin my happiness. You are here because you pass the good parent test and get to know right away.”

“You know Jake, I think it will be boy, we had seven boys and you’re an only child boy, so I think the odds are pointing that way.”

Jake’s eyes got big, “I don’t know, I hope it’s a girl, like Amy, easier to raise.”

Camila nodded, “she practically raised herself, we actually hoped she would rebel more at times, her brothers did all sorts of stuff, we worried she was the abnormal one.”

“Thanks mom, great confidence from you.”

When the parents had all left, Jake sat back down on the couch, next to Amy. “So, that went pretty well. At least they didn’t know the Nine-Nine found out five days before they did, but it went well. Your dad didn’t seem worried the baby would have my DNA.”

“Babe, he likes you, a lot more than you think. Don’t worry, you will have to worry when the baby says its first crude words, then he’ll get on you.”

“Yeah, but so will you, my mom, Holt, and a few others, so he’ll have company.”

Amy shifted and leaned into Jake’s body more, “you didn’t tell me about the case you and my dad were talking about.”

“Oh yeah, we got really busy after work, sorry. It’s a crazy case though. Four murders in three days, all gang-related, all done with the tiro de gracia.”

“Do you know what that even means?” Amy eyed him with a grin.

“Please, you know I live for this stuff, plus Rosa has a brother in law who is Guatemalan, he used to see this type of thing all the time, the shot of grace. Side of head, in mouth, side and spine. Make sure your victim has no chance of surviving.”

“You sound kind of happy considering how terrible it is.”

“I know, but I think I know where to look, I asked around, the Puerto Rican, Cuban, and Mexican cops and gang members or ex gang members never heard of it, but then I asked another Gautemalan, Paco, who runs the bodega by my mom’ house, he’d heard of it, he thought the guy had to be Central American for sure. So then I asked a guy who cooperates with cops, but is still in prison, Charles and I saw him, he said it wasn’t as much and El Salvador thing as a Guatemalan one, so I can narrow down my search, by a lot.”

‘Were your victims Guatemalan?”

“No, from other gangs, which is consistent with my hunch on this, there is a very small Guatemalan gang, very small, but they are trying to get the word out that they mean business, and this would do that.”

Amy absentmindedly rubbed his leg, “shouldn’t the gang unit be involved?”

“Yeah, they are consulting us, they are up to their eyeballs in cases right now and know very little about this gang, so Charles and I get to keep the case, for now.”

“That’s more interesting than my day, I got to lecture Gary on sending long lectures to the other officers, again. I know he’s sort of like me, but I wasn’t that bad, was I?”

Jake tried not to laugh, “no, I don’t think so. You only did that sometimes, and mostly with me.”

Amy started kissing Jake tenderly up and down his neck, then to his ear. He emitted a small moaning sound which prompted her to use her tongue softly, “Ames, I thought you were tired?”

She smiled seductively at him, “I am, but this seemed like a good choice too, problem?”

“No, just surprised, that’s all.”

Amy’s hands reached out and pulled up and off his t-shirt, Jake had not time to react before she was tugging his sweats and boxers down as well, her hand immediately taking his emerging hardiness and stroking it, then before he could comment on it, her mouth covered it, in and out, producing a loud moan from Jake.

“Ames, holy shit! Wasn’t expecting this, fuck.” 

Amy smiled and then stopped to take of her t-shirt and bottoms, Jake couldn’t help but smile as he saw her body, yet again, he had memorized every curve, every mole and freckle, yet her beauty still amazed him. She leaned back, and Jake took the hint and used his tongue on her already glistening folds, his fingers reaching up to her breasts, bringing a moan from her. As Amy began bucking and moaning louder, she brought Jake’s head up to hers and started kissing him, hard, and the pulled back briefly, “Inside, now.”

Jake nodded, he couldn’t speak, and pushed into his wife, the sensation familiar yet still too good to true, that the beautiful intelligent woman in front of him would let him, Jake Peralta, have sex with her and repeatedly. Amy must have been in a particular mood because soon her fingernails were scraping down his back as he felt himself come close, Amy ground harder as he pumped in and out of her, her noise of satisfaction pushing Jake past the point of no-return.

Jake

Amy didn’t officially work the next day, just something about a meeting with Holt, so Jake left the apartment much quieter than normal to allow her to sleep in. He slipped out a little after seven thirty. At nine-thirty, he was heading towards a suspected area for this new gang and a meet up a snitch when he received a text.

Amy: Thanks for leaving quietly, the sleep is appreciated, but so was last night

Jake felt himself go red and didn’t want Charles to notice as he would say something truly vile and disturbing. He texted her back quickly.

Jake: Damn, this isnt ur normal phone etiket. 

Amy: Learn to spell and I know, but I’m happy.

Jake: Me too. Whenz ur holt thingy today?

Amy: At the nine-nine now, meeting soon, be careful today

Jake: of course

“Alright Charles, we’re coming into Sunset Park, go directly to the parking garage we talked about, our snitch is meeting us there.”

“Sure thing, we have to be extra careful with Daddy Jake.”

Jake groaned, “please don’t ever call me that again, it makes it sound like I’m somehow your daddy, which is disturbing.”

“Fine, you and Amy are so strict about how I handle everything, it’s not fair.”

“No Charles, what’s not fair is a best friend who hurts me physically and emotionally with his weird obsession of my relationship with my wife, that’s not fair.”

Charles started drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, “fine, agree to disagree.”

Jake was about to respond when he saw the parking garage they headed to, “okay, turn in up there, that’s the place.” Charles drove into the entrance, they didn’t see a security guard, which wasn’t unheard of, they had to make the rounds. Charles took the ticket for payment later and drove up two levels to the meeting spot, as Charles parked, Jake noticed a red smear on the pavement. He took out his gun and exited carefully, the smear went behind a parked car, and there he saw it, the body of Oscar, his new snitch. “Fuck, Charles, they got our snitch, radio for back up.”

“Sure thing.” Charles got on the radio as Jake walked around, his eyes darting everywhere, he didn’t see anything, it didn’t seem random to him, so someone could still be around. He was headed back to the car when he heard an engine nearby, he turned to look as he heard several shots fired and bullets hit the wall behind him as fragments flew, he then heard the engine roar and car head towards their car when a bullet ricocheted form the wall and struck his back. Jake collapsed and knew he was bleeding, he tried to crawl, but couldn’t. His mind raced, his mind then realized he couldn’t feel his legs, panic and shock were beginning to take over when the police car was struck from the side and Jake saw his own police car coming toward him to probably end his own life.

He heard Charles yelling for him over the crash and noise, he felt himself being drug despite feeling no pain, the only thoughts entering his mind that this must be the end, this must be what dying felt like, nothingness, and then darkness.

Amy

She knew she was smiling, she was trying not to, it was professional meeting between her and Holt, but since he was her mentor and hero, the fact that he was praising her leadership and the improved efficiency of her squad, she couldn’t help it. He happy moment was interrupted as Gina opened the door with a bang, “sir, there’s been an incident, Terry’s on the radio with Charles.”

Amy’s heart dropped, Jake was with Charles, if Charles was on the radio and something happened, that meant Jake was injured, or worse. She saw mouths moving around her, she saw a commotion, but nothing was sinking in.

“Sergeant!” She took a deep breath and her silent moment was broken by Holt’s commanding voice. “Amy, did you understand any of what was just said?”

She shook her head no, Holt took a deep breath himself, “There was a shooting, Jake and Boyle went to meet an informant who was already dead when shots were fired, and the vehicle was struck, Jake has been shot and his body badly injured by the car striking him while on the ground.”

She felt the floor beneath her slip away, Holt rushed to her side to hold her up. Without even thinking how, she was soon in a speeding car, the siren blaring, as Holt efficiently drove them to the SUNY Medical Center, Amy was sure she heard something about spinal trauma and it being the best, her mind was filled with worst case scenarios, what if’s and mostly the question, how in the fuck can I do this without him?”

At last they arrived at the hospital, Holt and Amy exited in the emergency zone and ran in, they were directed to a specific wing of the hospital. As they opened the doors, they were met by young doctor, Amy thought his name was Lucas or something, but she could barely focus, her mind was swimming in a sea of worry and dread.

Holt placed a powerful hand on her shoulder, “Amy, Amy?”

She blinked and face him, tears streaming down. “Sorry sir.”

Holt embraced her with one arm, “do not be sorry, the doctor said Jake is in surgery, his foot was crushed and severely broken in several places, they will fix that after surgery on his spine, a ricocheted bullet lodged itself causing damage.”

Amy felt faint again, “Wil he…will he?”

Holt closed his eyes momentarily, “The surgeons do not know yet how permanent the damage is right now. He cannot move his legs, they are removing fluid from his spine, as well as the bullet and trying to reduce swelling in that area.”

Holt helped Amy to a chair, she took a deep breath and focused on staying alert, “what did they say about the chances, of paralysis.”

Holt sighed sadly, “He would not say, it is too early, they need to determine many things first. Recovery is very case to case and if surgery does not work, there are many other options, physical therapy being very important, continuing to work and build strength.”

Some tears escaped as she tried to hold her wave of emotions in, “Jake will love that.”

“Amy, you and Jake are not in this alone, your squad and your old squad will be there, probably more than you want at times, but you have a support system, a very good one. Do not forget that, use them, they will gladly do whatever it takes to see both of you through this, wherever it takes you.”

The next few hours were a blur and yet painful in ways she never imagined possible, even through Jake’s prison experience, she worried, but he was alive and he could walk. Her emotions began to take over again, as she was about to release them, she saw her parents rush in, they had picked up Jake’s mom, Karen was crying, Victor was consoling her as Camila sat next to Amy, she took her only daughter in her arms and let her cry.

“Amy, it will be okay. Your husband, he has worked through many difficult things, prison being one, he will make it.”

Amy lifted her head slightly, “okay, but what if he can’t walk? Do you think he’ll be happy, in a wheelchair, not being able to do the work he loves most.”

Camila looked directly at Amy, “it will be a challenge, whatever the outcome today, it will be very difficult, but the two of you, soon the three of you, you will make it, that much I know. There will be moments that will make you hurt, inside and out, I know it, but knowing the two of you, you will see your way through it. The two of you have a strength most couldn’t begin to recognize. He tried to shield you from the ugliness of what he suffered in prison, you wouldn’t stop tracking down the truth, that’s strength mija, that’s strength.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy continues to deal with the pain of Jake's ordeal, Jake wakes up and is told his condition.

Amy

Someone was trying to wake her up, she couldn’t see who, her contacts had been in so long they were blurry, not to mention extremely uncomfortable. She blinked several times, hoping she could begin to focus her eyes enough to see somewhat, it was a woman’s voice, she saw black, as her eyes focused, she could tell it was a leather jacket, which could only mean Rosa.

“Amy are you okay?” Rosa’s voice lacked the normal edge it usually had.

“Yeah, I mean, just waiting for all of the surgeries to end so I can know what is happening with Jake…” She could barely get through the sentence as she felt overwhelmed by fear and worry again.

Rosa stiffly put her arm around Amy, “Santi..I mean Amy, whatever happens, we’re here, I’m here.”

Amy looked up at her, her eyes red and teary, “thanks Rosa, I’ll need all the help I can get.”

Rosa got Amy some coffee and something to eat, she was focusing on what she could do now to help him, when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up and saw her father, she offered up a pathetic smile at him, she could focus on what she could do, but faking happy was a long way off.

“I’m glad to see you eating something, you’re in better shape than I would be.”

Amy looked at him again, “yeah right, dad, thanks, but I’m a mess and am just trying not to lose my shit completely.”

Victor came around the bank of chairs and sat next to her, “Amy, you are doing as well as anyone could, there is no rule for how strong anyone has to be when something like this happens, being here and ready to help Jake, that’s all you can do.”

She lowered her head, “it’s just all so much, the fact that he is hurt is one thing, but the unknown, what if he is paralyzed, for the rest of his life? Are either of us that strong to work through that, with a baby on the way?”

Victor thought for a second, “Look, you are in an unknown situation, that is true, but everything you believe in, everything you each feel for the other, everything you want in life, that doesn’t change. Maybe plans are put on hold, maybe your love will require more effort, but in the end, it changes nothing. Did things change when you found out you were pregnant?”

“No, I was terrified it would, but he handled it great.”

Victor offered the whisper of a smile, “this will be much harder, count on that, but you will survive it, I know it, your mother said she offered similar words, believe them, they come from love and knowledge of the two of you and all we have seen.”

She leaned on her Victor’s shoulder as the night turned back into day. She had been told when they were in between surgeries, but nothing had changed in what they were told since the first doctor. Holt and Terry had come and gone, Rosa and Charles were looking into who had attacked them. Charles was scratched up, but no broken bones. Terry told him he had never seen such anger in Charles, he truly believed Charles would track them down and then hoped he didn’t do something stupid. They had crossed one of the only lines Charles had, messing with family and loved ones, of which Jake was basically both to him.

Finally, at nine that morning, Dr. Reddy, and older Indian man who was very tall with glasses came out and introduced himself, he was the head of the spinal department and an accomplished surgeon. “Amy, I need to start this conversation with one fact, nothing is final. There are many possible roads that someone such as your husband can take to recovery, whether partial or complete. More methods are presenting themselves as we speak, do not lose hope.”

Even as Amy heard these words, she felt hope leaving her mind as she tried to imagine Jake in a wheelchair, for a long period of time of even the rest of his life, it was difficult to do, but others had dealt with this and made a good life for themselves, but could Jake accept this fate, one where he wasn’t an active detective?

“His foot has had surgery on seven bones, but will function at a normal level.”

Amy blurted out, unable to wait, “his spine, he won’t walk, will he?”

Dr. Reddy, sensing her worry stretched his arm out and placed a hand on her free shoulder, Victor’s hand already on the other one, “Amy, Jake is currently in a state of paraplegia, how severe and permanent this is has yet to be seen, but as for right now, no, he is not going to be walking, but again, nothing is final. The first step is immediate physical therapy, it will be intense, it will be difficult, physically and emotionally, and then there will be surgeries to look into and see if he is a good candidate for them. There is electrical stimulation, but there is also a new surgery, done primarily out west so far, it is a brain surgery that relinks the connection between brain, spine, and legs. It has had varied success, but when successful, it allows complete recovery, no devices or aids needed.”

Amy buried her face in her father’s chest for a second, she turned to face Dr. Reddy again, “Dr. Reddy, does Jake know yet?”

Dr. Reddy shook his head sadly, “no, I’m afraid not, he just came out of eighteen hours of near continuous surgery, we will monitor him, when he gains consciousness, he will have questions and I will be there, ready to answer all of his questions.”

“I see, thank you.”

“Sergeant Peralta,” he reached out to her again, this time gently touching her arm, “I know this is not the news you wanted, it is not the news anyone wants, but if I may share some knowledge I have gained through a life dedicated to the reparation of the spine, we still know so little, more is being learned and applied, as we speak. He will get better, whether it is getting stronger and adapting to life in a wheelchair, or whether it is relearning to walk with the help of a device, he will improve, but he needs positivity around him, he needs to know that his family believes he can improve and push through this as well. I have met many well-meaning realists, but they take away the spark of hope that keeps many patients going until they are ready to try something new or simply learn to embrace the life they have been given, even in not the one they would have chosen. He will be the same man, limited by physical limitations only, this is vitally important for both of you to remember, don’t feel you lost the man you married, but that you have been given a chance to help him through the toughest phase of his life, because it will be.”

Amy and Victor spoke to the him for a little while longer and then thanked Dr. Reddy as he returned to his office, Amy forced herself to take several deep breaths, trying to push the negative instincts from her mind. Victor watched his daughter as she sat down, her pregnancy now beginning to show more, only as she was dealing with a possible loss and yet another struggle to push through.

“Amy, I am here, I will text you if I hear anything, go to the apartment and shower, change clothes, bring things you need. I will be hear every step of the way, and I mean that. Your mother and I have spoken about it, you will be limited physically, being pregnant, but I can lift him, I can help any way he’ll allow me to. His own father will only run from this, but I owe him this, he has never faltered in his love for you, even when facing a nightmare in prison, he has more than earned my trust and loyalty.”

Amy stood up and cried again, hugged her father, and then took a final extremely deep breath, “okay, I’ll be an hour max, ten minutes home, ten minutes to shower and dress, find some things around the apartment, get a few things from the store, then ten minutes back.”

Victor gave a flat smile, “take the time you need Amy.”

“I’ll do what I can as fast as I can, this is Jake, it’s Jake! Jake who has changed so much, for me, because he loves me, and I suddenly feel very unworthy for the task.”

The shower did little to calm her, her mind could not grasp the fact that her husband may never walk again, many times she had been annoyed by his infant like energy and actions, but she suddenly felt an incredible loss at knowing he may never bounce around another room and annoy others like that again. She quickly dressed and grabbed what she needed before heading to the closest drug store, she purchases her items and headed back to the hospital.

When she back into the waiting room, Victor was talking to Charles, Charles turned and sadly waved at Amy before leaving. “What was that about dad?”

Victor sighed, “classic partner behavior, he blames himself and is solely focused on finding those responsible, he may seem demure and diminutive, but I would not wish what he could unleash on those men on my worst enemies. He loves Jake, maybe too much for our taste, but he is loyal, and that type of loyalty can bring bitter consequences to those stupid enough to test it.”

“Do you think they can find the men? It was gang related, it makes it very difficult.”

Victor frowned, “they have a good lead, I’ll leave it at that, focus on Jake, let them focus on the guilty.”

Amy nodded, “yeah, I can’t handle both worlds right now. I’m barely surviving this one.”

She sat with her father and read articles on her charging phone about possible surgeries and other techniques. Everything she read supported what Dr. Reddy had told her about the importance of physical therapy, which she knew Jake would loathe, but he going to have to adapt, in a big way.

Amy was almost finished with her seventh article on the subject when a nurse came out and told Amy and Victor that Jake was waking up. Amy began to gather her things when Victor told her that he’d get her stuff and meet her there, Jake needed her, now.

Amy’s heart was beating so fast she wondered how it could possibly be good for her or the baby. She followed the nurse and found herself outside a small room, she could hear the beeping of the machines inside the room, she focused on keeping it together, she couldn’t focus on what they had lost, what he had lost, she had to focus on all they still had even if she didn’t feel like it, at all.

Dr. Reddy was at Jake’s bedside, checking his pupils, “how do you feel Jake?”

“I don’t know, I itch, but my legs…I remember…” his left hand reached for his upper thigh, she saw the concentration on his face, the frustration and fear that was overtaking him right now, “I can’t feel my legs…I can’t walk.” These last words were almost whispered with a finality that sent shivers throughout her body.

“Jake, you are experiencing paraplegia right now, we still don’t know how permanent this is or what the final consequences are of what you went through.”

Jake saw Amy, tears filled his eyes, “I’m so sorry Ames, you told me to be careful and I fucked that up.” Amy took several shallow breaths trying to keep composed until she was at least hugging him, as she reached him, they both let loose, she could feel his fear and disappointment through the embrace.

“Jake, I love you, I’m so sorry this happened, it’s not your fault, we’ll work through it,” she could feel the words coming out so quickly and rapid fire, yet she felt like there was so much else she would like to say, but as she pulled back to see his face she was lost in his eyes, the sadness and worry that filled them, a look she had never seen to this extent, even when he was imprisoned.

Dr. Reddy stood up, “Jake, Amy, I’ll come back in a few minutes to answer any questions, take some time and talk, we’ve given a lot of heavy information, but remember, as I told your wife, nothing of this is final, don’t ever think it is and the hope that you can improve can keep you going to recovery, in one way or another.”

As Dr. Reddy and the nurse left the room, Jake turned his head away from Amy, “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, “this is not how I wanted to start out as a father. I will not be a continual pain in the ass for you, I can find…”

Amy reached over and pulled at his face so he was looking at her, “listen to me Jake Peralta, there is no way I would ever let you leave me or our child, ever. I am here, I am here for you, no matter what it takes.”

“Ames, I can’t…”

Amy held his face in her hands again, “Jake, did you mean what you said in your wedding vows?”

Jake nodded as best he could, “yeah, of course.”

Amy smiled, even if sadly, “well dammit, so did I Jake, I love you, that can’t change, it won’t change, we are up against it again, what’s new. We both have a lot of learning and adapting to do.”

Jakes emotions were overcoming him, “but this isn’t what you signed up for…”

Amy softly hit his chest, “it’s not what you signed up for either, we didn’t choose this, but it’s happening and the sooner you get it through your thick skull that I am your problem for the rest of your life, the easier this will be, okay?”

Jake paused again, trying to keep his emotions under wrap, if Amy could be strong for him, he owed to her to try and be positive, his mind was already wrapping itself around the fact that she would have to help him a lot, he hated it, but he knew he would say the same thing she said, he would never abandon her or allow her to go elsewhere for help, he had to allow her to help him as well. “Okay, it’s still new for me Ames, you’ve had a little time to wrap your head around it.”

“Yeah, I cried a lot, a lot, it’s not an easy thing Jake, but you have to know I could never allow you to not be with our family, our family Jake. This baby, it will think whatever it sees is normal, wheelchair, no wheelchair, that will be his or her daddy, understand? Whatever it ends up being, we will deal with it.”

Jake nodded, his heart racing, thoughts of his career forcing out more emotions, “what about my job?”

Amy closed her eyes, “you might have to learn to be the world’s best detective in other ways, from a desk, using your mind to solve crimes from a distance, but it does not end things, not by a long shot.”

Jake pushed himself up as best he could, feeling the tug of the many tubes he was connected to, “how’d my mom take it? Holy fuck, how’d Charles take it?”

Amy smiled, “how’d I know you’d worry more about everyone else than yourself, your mom is tough, but she’s in shock. Charles, he is taking it personally, my dad thinks he could go ballistic on the culprits when he finds them. He saw something in Charles’ eyes that told him that.”

“Cool, cool, cool, cool. I uh, I well, this is some scary shit, huh?”

Amy sat at the edge of the bed and his hand in hers, “it is, but it’s not the end all Jake. Remember this summer, we watched Gattaca and then that Me Before You movie, both of them had people giving up on life because they were paralyzed and I found it infuriating and insulting, I know people who have had great lives despite being paralyzed, it does not change things, my dad told me that, it might pause things or make them more difficult, but it doesn’t change things, not how I feel about you, not about what I want from life.”

Jake managed the beginnings of a grin, “I do remember you going off on those movies, yeah, don’t worry, I won’t give up. Ames, I’m not leaving your or our baby, whatever the blob turns out to be into, I would never do to you what my dad did to my moms and I, never, okay?”

Amy nodded as she laid down next to him, “let’s take today, we can feel sorry for ourselves today, but tomorrow, tomorrow we focus on how to beat this, on how to make our lives what we want, okay?

“Do I have to feel sorry for myself? I mean I do, but, this shit beats prison, no one beating me, no threat of rape or death around every corner, so this is good, not great, but I can make it Ames. I will have my down days, for sures, probably a lot of those, but I will try, if not for me, for you and baby blob.”

Amy kissed him, “cool, cool, cool, cool. For sures.”

A nurse came in after a half an hour to shift Jake and avoid bed sores, Loren shifted Jake, Amy got her first glimpse of his stitches from surgery. His foot was covered by a rubber cast, but this, she saw the spots where they had removed the bullet, where they had drained liquid, and where they had tried to repair tissue. She wanted to gasp, but everything she did right now passed through the filter of how would it help Jake? If it didn’t help him, she didn’t say it and tried not to think it again. 

They hadn’t asked for it or thought it was possible, but this reality was now the next phase of their life, and soon the life of their child, but it was a phase, Amy kept reminding herself of that, it was only a phase, not their entire life. Prison had been a phase, a terrible one, but they made it, this might be longer, a lot longer, but she had to view it as a phase of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, they encourage and help a lot!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New challenges arise as Jake faces physical therapy and he and Amy must come terms with all possibilities.

Amy

She woke up to the sound of beeping, as she turned in the chair, she saw the nurse walk in and press the button to reset the machines. Jake was somehow still asleep or faking it, he was on painkillers and antibiotics as well as healing from a spinal injury and broken foot. His mom had been by that evening, she had cried a lot and Jake and Amy both did their best to stay positive for her amid their own fears and natural reactions to seeing Jake’s mom break down at seeing her son paralyzed.

Charles refused to come in until he brought the men responsible to justice, Rosa told Amy she had never seen Charles so focused and angry on a case, he had threatened people, pushed around gang members, and nearly hit on potential suspect with his car to scare him into cooperating.

Amy sat up and felt her back ache, Jake had begged her to go home and get some rest, but she didn’t want to leave him, even if he was mainly sleeping. She checked her phone and saw texts from her parents and brothers, all encouraging her and giving their best to Jake, she then saw a text from the man Dr. Reddy recommended to be Jake’s physical therapist.

Amy got up to use the restroom, as she stood up, she noticed Jake stirring in his sleep, she wanted to cry when she saw that only top half moved, his legs still and motionless. As she washed her hands she splashed water on her face, she didn’t want to sleep anymore, not right now, she wanted to read and learn what options were possible for her husband, if he couldn’t walk again, she could accept that, but she felt that she owed to both of them to look into every possible treatment if it meant that Jake could run with their child, play games, or do anything that she had envisioned him doing, it would be worth any cost or sacrifice.

Around eight in the morning she heard Jake coughing, she looked over at him from the article she was reading on her phone, she smiled at him, he waved on hand back. Jake put the bed up so he was sitting up, he said very little as he ate, he didn’t want to watch tv, he told her he didn’t want his mom coming today, he just needed to clear his head, the night before he had tried hard to be positive, but Amy knew waking up with the realities of situation was very different than talking about it the first day.

Dr. Reddy came in mid-morning to conduct some tests. Amy braced herself, these tests could be brutal, they would show the extent of Jake’s paraplegia, she wasn’t sure if either one was ready to be told how bad it was in real terms.

Dr. Reddy poked Jakes toes, nothing, Jake stared forward, not letting his face show any emotion, Amy felt tears welling up, she tried willing them away, but watching Jake face this truth was too much. They poked up and down his legs, no reactions under the knees, Amy’s heart raced, and she felt it might explode as the tests felt like pure torture. As they reached up to the thigh, his leg twitched a little as it was poked, they went higher, “I felt that, I felt that.”

Dr. Reddy nodded and poked the same spots on the other leg, “I felt that too. Does that mean something? Is it good or bad?”

Dr. Reddy stood up, “It’s a good sign to me, your paraplegia is not as far reaching as it could be, you have feeling in your upper legs, which means you should have muscle control of that area as well, this is where physical therapy will be crucial for you. If we can build up the muscles and relearn how you move and walk, you could be able to walk with crutches or a walker, and that is just if we took everything face value. I think you could be a good candidate for some surgical options, but there will be time to discuss that and look into it later.”

Dr. Reddy conferred with some other doctors, “Jake, you will need to start physical therapy today, this will be of the upmost importance for everything, for your chances of walking in your current condition, and to see how the surgeries could help you.”

Jake nodded and then turned his head and pretended to sleep, or at least Amy thought so, she could see the reality of the situation settling in and Jake shutting down as he was hit with how much he had lost and how difficult the road to recovery could be. Amy placed a hand on Jake who didn’t move at all, she quickly left the room and called after Dr. Reddy.

“Doctor, I apologize for Jake, he’s struggling with the reality of all of this today.”

Dr. Reddy nodded, “I understand Amy, it’s quite normal, especially with the tests we did today.”

“Is it a good sign that his upper legs have feeling.”

Dr. Reddy smiled, “yes, it truly is. His legs can and should have some movement, but it also means that his sexual organs and bowels should function without issue, which is something you may have not considered yet, but is a positive, a big positive.”

Amy didn’t know what to think or how to truly process anything she had heard, “Thank you Dr. Reddy, I should get back to him.”

“Amy,” she turned around to face him again, “do not despair, don’t let Jake be down for too long, I truly think he has a chance, I do, his physical therapist is one I have chosen, he is good, he is positive, and he is tough, he is what Jake needs. Also, today, you and Jake will be instructed on some of the basics of dealing with paraplegia, getting dressed, getting in and out of cars, and wheelchair will be provided for you through a charitable organization.”

Jake

He could hear Amy stirring, he wanted to say something, he thought he should, his pregnant wife was sacrificing her comfort to be with him, for his sake, not hers. As Amy went to the bathroom he glanced quickly at the clock and saw it was just after four. He had slept off and on, but he didn’t feel ready to talk more about things, he had been able to see the positives about things the night before, but a night spent not being able to move his legs or feel anything in his legs, he didn’t feel anything close to positive.

As he ate breakfast with his bed in the upright position, he had to force himself to eat because if he didn’t, he would have to tell Amy what he was feeling, which was difficult because even he wasn’t sure. He was angry, he knew that, but then he felt so much confusion, he was alive, he would be able to see his child, he was still with Amy. He felt most sorry for himself when he thought of the burden he could be on Amy, she didn’t deserve to be his caretaker, she didn’t deserve this, while pregnant.

When Dr. Reddy came in, Jake tried not to scream in frustration when he saw his toes and legs being poked and not feeling anything. When the needle poking went to his knees, he tried with all his might to will his body to feel it, to twitch, to react, anything, but instead he was forced to watch as his body was poked and did nothing.

He was starting to feel despair take over and he wanted nothing more than to just shut down and not deal with anything, and then he felt it. He felt the poke, it was a bit above the knee, but still his thigh and his leg. As he let the doctor know he felt it, his mind raced in a thousand directions, he wasn’t sure how excited he should feel.

As Dr. Reddy explained that he thought this was a good sign and what it meant, Jake thought of how difficult everything would be, physical therapy, just to move his legs, a little. He knew he should feel grateful that there was a chance and that he was a good candidate for the surgeries, but instead he felt the scope of the battle he faced. Everything he was being told was in the long term, he wanted to concern himself with Amy’s pregnancy and then the baby, not this, but he had no choice, this was his life.

He knew he needed to wrap his brain around this and come to grips with what his part would be, it scared him, he loved police work, but this type of work, for himself, that had never been his thing. He turned his head and pretended to sleep, he was pretty sure Amy knew he was faking, but he couldn’t talk right now, he would be way too negative, he had to feel comfortable with this gargantuan task ahead of him before speaking to hear again.

As Amy came back in the room after leaving quickly, she sat and he could hear her messing with her phone, he knew she would be reading research and articles about the surgeries, he was fine with that, she could focus on the future issues while he forced himself to be ready to deal with what he up against right now.

Amy and Jake

“Jake?” She had given him an hour and a half to pretend to be asleep after Dr. Reddy left, but she needed to talk to him now.

“Yeah?” He tried to make his voice sound like he was waking from a deep sleep.

“I know you’re not sleeping, you have certain tells, but I need to walk around, my back hurts, I’m supposed to get in a certain amount of movement for the baby and myself. Will you be okay?”

Jake nodded, “yeah, sorry.”

Amy stood up and gently placed her hand on his arm, “for what Jake?”

“For feeling sorry for myself today?”

Amy bent over as best she could and kissed him, “don’t be sorry, you’re allowed, it was silly to think we could just do it yesterday, today must be really hard to deal with.”

“Yeah, seeing my legs poked and not feeling anything…”

“I know, that was terrible. This sucks Jake, but you can’t give up, I know you rarely think you’re worth fighting for or working hard for, but remember, the baby and I are with you, the three of us are a package deal. Whatever one does the others feel.”

“Gotcha, that’s good to hear.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course, I need to know why I’m doing things, you’re right, I struggle doing things for me, but I solved the unsolvable case to take my mind off of you before you knew how I felt, I kept sane in witness relocation and in prison, I can do this, I will do it Ames. Are you scared?”

Amy nodded as she coughed, trying to cover up her emotions, “of course, it’s all scary babe, so many thoughts run through my mind, but there is only one that is truly important.”

“What’s that?”

“That you’re here, you’re still you, your legs might not function as they should, but that beats a baby growing up never knowing its dad.”

“Thanks Ames?”

Amy smiled, “for what?”

“For not letting me give up, I need it, I’ll need it, a lot.”

She kissed him again, “well, not going anywhere, except a quick walk.”

Amy

As Amy was walking around the hospital, her phone rang, “Rosa, what’s up?”

“How’s Jake doing?”

“Considering everything, he’s doing well, he’s down of course, they ran tests and for the first time he got a complete picture of how bad the paralysis is.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah, but I have to be the positive one right now, I know he can do this, whether it’s walking again or whether it’s making a great life while in a wheelchair, I have to stay strong.”

“Let me know what you need, okay?”

Amy grinned, she knew that was difficult for Rosa, “of course.”

“Charles has a suspect, he’s working with Atkins, from the night squad, he’s working days now.”

“Do they have him in custody yet?”

“No, listen, this is just between us, but I don’t know if Charles will bring him in, he’s out of his mind, he won’t listen to me or Terry, and Holt told us we have to trust in Charles to do what is right, but I’m worried.”

“You don’t think Charles could really kill a man, just like that do you?”

“Before, no, but now, yeah. Yesterday I saw him club a gangster’s knee, hard, and then challenge all the rest to do something about it. I’ve never seen him like this or even close to it.”

Amy frowned, “I tried calling once, he didn’t answer. I don’t think he can face us right now. Has anyone figured out how they knew the snitch was talking to them?”

“No, except wrong place wrong time.”

Amy stopped walking, “Rosa, Jake said he and Charles were working with the gang unit or at least informing them.”

“Yeah, so?”

“I just think whoever they were talking to should be looked at carefully, snitches are careful, they flee if they think any danger is around, they’re survivors, someone knew something, they had to.”

“I’ll check it out, that’s smart, thanks.”

Jake

Jake turned on the tv for the first time, he found a repeat of the Mets game from the night before, every sight made him fill with self-loathing, the players running, the spectators in the stands standing and sitting, walking to get beers. He kept it on the channel despite the way it made him feel when he heard a knock on the door.

A short black man popped his head in the door, “Jake?”

Jake pushed the button so his bed was sitting him up, “yeah?”

“Hey, I’m Eddie, you’re physical therapist.”

“Oh yeah,” Jake tried not to let his voice how little he wanted this right now, “Dr. Reddy said you’d be by.”

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.” He wanted him to go away, but the doctor kept saying how important the physical therapy was.

Eddie walked in, he had two prosthetic feet, from the shin down, Jake gulped and realized why Dr. Reddy chose him, it would harder to feel sorry for himself when Eddie had dealt with his own issues and was now helping others.

Eddie smiled at Jake, “you notice my wheels, eh?”

“Yeah, sorry.”

Eddie smacked the bed, “Jake, don’t be sorry, using your eyes is not insulting, these babies draw attention, not as much as my hot ass legs used to, but its okay. S’pose you’re wondering why or how?”

Jake put up his hands, “it’s okay man, I’m not the nosy type.”

Eddie shook his head, “Jake, we’re hopefully going to be working together for a while, it’s okay. I was a fireman, I know, you cops hate us, or some of us. I lived for the climb of the ladder, I loved it. I didn’t get hurt while on duty though, I was driving home from work in the rain, someone drove too fast, bumped one car and it hit another, that one hit my car, I wasn’t paying attention, I was talking on the phone, got hit, reacted too slowly, my car hit the median flew up and landed terribly, it took three months before it happened, but I lost my lower legs.”

Jake was silent, Eddie eyed him carefully and then continued, “I don’t tell you this to make you feel sorry for me, there is life after this shit man, a good life. It will never be the same though, prepare yourself for that. I wasn’t.”

Jake listened to Eddie talk about his family, he was married, two kids, his wife was nurse, Jake saw him working his legs but could only feel the muscles in his upper thighs. He could feel himself sweating despite not moving anything himself.

“You feeling anything Jake?”

“Upper thigh, a bit.”

“That’s good, that’s very good.”

“If you say so.” Jake stared at the tv.

“Jake, you like baseball?”

“Yeah, the Mets, not the Yankees.”

“A man after my own heart, good man. I love baseball, my father-in-law has season tickets, we should go sometime.”

Jake laughed coldly, “yeah right.”

Eddie stopped, “Jake, you can’t not live your life now, you love baseball? Then get your ass to a game. You love dancing, then dance in the chair, but don’t hide behind the fact that your legs don’t move like you want them to. Don’t let this beat you, if you hide and live a half life, who are you helping? Yourself? Your wife? Your baby on the way?” Jake looked at him, “Reddy told me.”

“I’m just trying to survive, not give up.”

“Jake, take it from one cripple to another, if you hide and give up, you might as well not live, that’s the decision I came too, it sounds harsh to some, but I believe it.”

Jake threw the remote, but it was tethered to the bed and bounced awkwardly, “you’re saying I should end things if I don’t want to go out dancing or do what I used to do?” He felt anger, he didn’t know why it was directed towards Eddie, but it was, so he went with it.

“Sort of, Jake, you were shot, you were inured badly, and you survived, the doctor’s helped you to live, now you have to live, the surviving part is over, living time is now. Listen, our time is done for today, we start off with shorter sessions, I’ll be back tomorrow, twice, think about things Jake, think about the life you want, you wanna a be a sad sack pushed around in a chair barely smiling? Then you can do that, but I think that would be idiotic. Later man.”

Amy and Jake

Amy came back to Jake’s hospital room just two minutes after Eddie had left, Eddie texted her the night before telling her he needed Jake alone, to get a feel for him, to use his methods on him, and that he was also a trained psychologist as well as a physical therapist who specialized in cases like Jake’s. 

Jake was still watching the Mets’ game, “hey Ames, I take it was not a coincidence you were out walking while Eddie came in.”

Amy kissed him, “you still got smarts Peralta.”

“I think Eddie will be good for me, if he doesn’t slap me first, I can be an ass.”

Amy smiled, “yeah, but you’re a lovable ass. Hey, I think you should call Charles.”

Jake turned off the tv, “how has he not visited me? Even if I didn’t want visitors, it’s not like him to not break in and be disturbing.”

Amy sat on the edge of his bed, “he’s taking this hard, I think he blames himself some, but he’s angry Jake, he saw the worst of what you went through. He’s determined to make them pay, Rosa and Terry are really worried about him.”

“Okay, hand me my cell phone,” Amy handed him his phone, it was scratched a bit, but still worked after what he went through. Jake found his contacts and called Charles, the phone rang four times.

“Jake?” The voice was soft, not a Charles reaction to a Jake call at all.

“Charles, buddy, come see me man. I miss you.”

“Sorry Jake, I’m on the case. Holt just ripped me new one, I sort of knee capped a Latin Kings member, hardcore, then threatened the rest. Rosa has a good lead though, well, good for the case, bad for justice.”

Jake sat up for the first time on his own, struggling to do so, “what do you mean? One of our guys?”

“Officer Dowdy, the gang unit. His partner had suspicions, Amy thought they couldn’t have known about our snitch without one of their own, which makes sense, our snitches don’t go around their gang members, anywhere close, but Lane was suspicious and texted another unit to help him, they cuffed Dowdy and found a burner phone on his person, the text was still there. He’s being interrogated right now, but I’m not allowed in.”

Jake was silent at first, “listen Charles, it’s great that you have him, don’t risk your career for my sake, I don’t want that. Don’t rob the NYPD of both halves of the Broraltas.”

Charles chuckled softly, “thanks Jake, I gotta go.”

“Charles, it’s all good, I’m alive, remember that, I have to, don’t throw things away buddy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peoples, if you like this, plz comment.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake decides he has to commit to facing his new life and he and Amy get to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have liked this, let me know, it hasn't seemed like there is a great response, so while I have enjoyed writing this, I might shut this story down. Thanks.

Jake

Jake stared around his hospital room, he didn’t know what day it was, he didn’t really care, they were all the same, the past two days had been the same, doctors and Eddie for physical therapy. Eddie kept working with Jake and challenging him to be positive, but Jake kept his distance, he would never give up, but he wasn’t the happy positive guy, that had never been him.

Amy was told by her doctor to sleep at home, the chairs were hard on her back, he turned on the tv and settled on reruns of Cheers, it wasn’t his favorite, but it felt familiar as he watched it with his mom when he was younger. Jake sighed, he was tired, he was depressed, but he did not want his entire life to be like this, he looked over to his left and he saw his wheelchair, not a loaner, not a hospital one, but his, for him, maybe for life. He reached out his right arm and pulled the lightweight chair over easily, he picked up his legs, little by little and moved them so they were hanging off the bed. He surveyed the distance between the bed and chair, he lifted himself up with arm and did the jump scoot he practiced the previous two days and landed in his chair. 

He was no longer in a gown, he had sweats and a t-shirt on, he took off the breaks and wheeled himself out of the room, he hadn’t practiced doing this much the past two days, he hadn’t wanted to. As he wheeled down the hallway, he saw Ramiro, a quadriplegic, with his halo in to support his neck, he thought about the people who had told him he was lucky to be alive, he hadn’t felt that, but here he was, using his own strength to move down the hallway, he could go where he wanted with minimal exceptions.

He pressed the button for the elevator and went downstairs, he didn’t know why, when the doors opened, he exited and headed for the lobby, he situated the chair, so he was looking outside. It was raining out, when the glass doors opened, he felt the breeze, it felt good, he hadn’t left hospital since the shooting. He stayed looking outside when he saw her, running awkwardly in the rain with an umbrella, her pregnant stomach looking more pronounced than he remembered. She was focused on not running through a puddle, as she entered the hospital and closed her umbrella, she nodded at Jake, as if she was being polite to a stranger, then she stopped in her tracks and turned around slowly.

Amy

Amy groaned as she heard the alarm, she was tired, she was nearing four months pregnant and had been experiencing extreme stress, but she couldn’t just lay in bed. She got up slowly and considered the room around her, his wheelchair wouldn’t fit in the room, there were five steps going into her apartment. She didn’t know what she would do to get ready for the baby and now she was unsure what she could do to make it ready for Jake.

She showered quickly and go dressed, trying to ignore her stomach that reminded her of yet one more thing she wasn’t ready for. She picked up her phone and made sure it was charged and then tried to decide what to eat for breakfast, even if she didn’t feel very hungry, stress did that to her. She nearly jumped when she heard the doorbell ring.

As she opened the door, there stood her dad, Terry, Hitchcock, Holt, and Kevin, all holding saws and tools.

“Amy, we are here to prepare the apartment for Jake, widen the doorways, get new doors, and put up hand rails in places that will help him.”

Amy lunged forward and hugged Victor and then thanked the others. She excused herself as she needed to get to the hospital. Jake had not been negative, but he hadn’t been positive either. He just seemed to be floating as life tossed him about, he did his physical therapy, he listened, watched and practiced as he was taught how to get in and out of his chair and do basic things like get dressed, but he wasn’t himself, there was no Jake spark.

The rain wasn’t doing anything for her spirits as she drove to the hospital. The traffic was heavy, as usual, she was trying her best to put on a smile and be positive for Jake, she just didn’t know if it was working or helping at all. As she parked, her phone rang, it was Charles.

“Charles?”

“Amy, I wanted to let you know, we have the men…you know…”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Dowdy sang, we set it up, we got them.”

“You don’t sound very happy about it Charles.”

“I should have hurt them Amy, but I couldn’t, I was too weak.”

“Charles,” Amy felt her anger bursting out of her, “you did nothing wrong, you did your job and you are a great cop and better person! They don’t deserve the easy way out, they need to go through their trial, they need to go to prison and remember what they did. You are not weak, I may not always understand your love for Jake, but I would never question it.”

“Thanks Amy.” And with that, Charles was gone.

Amy blinked slowly, she wasn’t sure if she’d share this with Jake today, she didn’t know if he’d be up to it. She pulled out her umbrella and ran for the hospital doors, as she ran through, she saw a man in a wheelchair, she nodded, and then it hit her who it was.

Amy and Jake

“Jake?” Her voice was full of surprise, “what are you doing? Are you okay?”

Jake laughed, an actual laugh, Amy felt like it had been years since she heard it with the seriousness of the past five days. “I got up, they said I could.” He was still grinning at her, a grin she had seen maybe thousands of times, but this one was one of the best because it had been absent.

“I’m just surprised, you didn’t seem to care much yesterday.” She sat down on his lap, she didn’t know why, but if felt natural, it felt right.

“Yesterday I didn’t, but as I sat feeling bad for myself, I just got up, then I saw Ramiro and I realized that I am lucky to be alive. I kept hearing, but I didn’t believe it. Sitting in that bed was so fuckin boring, and this, it’s not walking, but it’s not bad.”

Amy had tears, again, she felt that between the pregnancy and the shooting that he had shed a lifetime’s worth of tears. “I’m glad you did,” she paused, considering whether she should say what was on her mind or not, “you realize, right, that you can at least hold our baby, you can still play with them?”

Jake nodded sheepishly, “I do, I just had to get the pity party out of my system.”

She rested her head on his shoulder, relishing the contact she had not had with him, “I get it. Don’t think that I don’t understand how much this hurts you, I just know, I have to…I have to be positive, and cheer you on.”

Jake kissed the top of her head, “I know, that’s not easy either, but since we don’t get to pick our parts in this play, we have to do the best we can.”

“Are you ready for another day of physical therapy and doctors?”

Jake took a deep breath, “yeah, I can do better, this, in the chair, it’s not terrible. I can get around, I can do things…I just can’t focus on what I can’t do right now.”

Amy smiled, “speaking of things you can do…well, I talked with Dr. Reddy and he thinks all your, um, equipment is good to go, and you should be fine, which is not true of all in you condition.”

Jake smiled again, “yeah, he told me that too, that is good news, even if I won’t be up to my normal stellar performance.”

Amy cupped his face with her hands, “it’s us, good legs, bad legs, it’ll be hot.”

After a stroll and roll around the hospital, they returned to Jake’s room, Dr. Reddy was waiting for them, a smile on his face.

“Jake, fantastic to see you mobile, it’s great for you and your spirits.”

“Thanks Dr. Reddy, it feels good, much better than feeling sorry for myself in a box.”

“Well, the good news is you only have one more night in the box, tomorrow, you can go home.”

Jake turned to Amy, “shit, what about our place, it isn’t ready for me, steps, small doorways, three bedrooms yes, room for my wheelchair, no.”

Dr. Reddy patted Jake on the back, “Jake, I know for a fact that you have a crew working on your apartment right now, a Victor and a Raymond came in and got the instructions they needed to get it ready for you. They are even installing a ramp, so everything should be ready tomorrow.”

Jake smiled at Amy, “did you know about this?”

She nodded, “a little anyway, but not about the ramp.”

Jake turned to Dr. Reddy again, “am I really ready, for home? I feel so lost.”

“Jake, today you got yourself out of bed, into your chair, and around the hospital, the house will seem easy and will have grab bars in all the important places.”

“Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool. Okay, surgeries, what are my best options for my condition?”

“There are several, the electric pulse method is good, but requires a device for your entire life and is limited in some ways. There is the newer surgery, the one I recommend, it is brain surgery, but it stimulates and fixes the connection between the brain, spine, and legs. It is not one hundred percent successful, but when it works, it is astounding in how well it works.”

Jake looked at Amy and then back to Dr. Reddy, “when could I start looking into that?”

“Sooner than for other surgeries. First, I want you to have had at least six weeks of physical therapy, but quality therapy Jake, you can’t just wait out the sessions, I need you to give it all you have. Then you should have the minimal leg strength for a good recovery.”

“I can do that.”

Jake

An hour later, when Eddie came in, Jake was sitting on his bed, his legs hanging off.

“Jake, you ready?”

“Yeah, I actually am today.”

Eddie grinned, “I heard you got up and did stuff today? How was it?”

“It was good, it felt good to move, to feel the wind. Dr. Reddy told me I had to have quality sessions, so I’m ready, I’ll give you what you need from me.”

Eddie laughed, “careful what you wish for Jake.”

Jake worked harder physically than remembered having done for a long time, he wasn’t sure what truly prompted his sudden change of heart, if he now felt able to face things or if he was just finally admitting how scared he was of failure. He did know that understanding that Amy and baby Peralta all depended on each other seemed to light a fire that wasn’t there before. 

By the end of the hour long session, his entire body ached, sweat dripped down him, as he lowered himself down into his wheelchair to head to the shower, he smiled at Eddie, “I know I must be paralyzed now, I’d feel this shit for sure if I wasn’t.”

Eddie slapped him on his back, “we might work some feeling into those legs yet, Jake. Today was good, this is what you need, you give this effort, walk again or not, you will feel better and be ready for the challenges bound to come.”

Jake held up a hand, “one challenge at a time, I have to tackle the shower, stay close, I may be screaming for you to pick my naked-self off the bathroom floor.”

“This is our only session today, I’ll be by your apartment tomorrow, I will work with you once a day and set a routine for your afternoon exercise and therapy.”

As Jake rolled in the bathroom, he struggled to shut the door with his wheelchair in the way, he lifted up one side at a time and slowly got his sweats and boxers off, his t-shirt was easy. He lifted his arms and grabbed the bars and moved painfully and slowly up out of the wheelchair and into the specially made shower. Washing and shampooing felt punishing after his workout and more difficult than any shower he had previously had, but he was just happy he didn’t slip and could get himself clean, one less thing to worry Amy about.

The rest of the afternoon was spent signing forms and being given lessons about care for himself and for Amy to help care for him, as he listened to their instructions, he silently vowed to himself he would do all it took, which he knew would be a lot, to make certain Amy didn’t have to care for him in that way, a part of his brain was starting to grasp, in a logical and calm manner that he might not walk again, he didn’t want to accept that yet, but it was something he knew could happen and refused to make things even harder on Amy.

Jake was watching Bullit, a cop movie he used to love, but now it made him painfully aware of his reversal of fortune, Amy had just left, he turned his head and was startled to see Captain Holt sitting silently next to him.

“Holy Shit, Captain!” he took a deep breath, “are you trying to finish the job?”

Holt looked sheepish, something Jake wasn’t accustomed to seeing, “Sorry, Peralta. I just wanted to observe things. How are you?”

Jake thought about it, it was a question he was asked often, too often for his liking, but he wanted to be honest, not negative, not fake positive, just honest. “Well, it sucks that this happened, I worry about a lot of things Captain, a lot, but I almost believe all the people who have told me I’m lucky to be alive. I didn’t feel that way at first, but today, I wheeled myself around, my pregnant wife sat on my lap, and I get to go home tomorrow, so things still suck some, I mean, I can’t walk, but I’m learning to see the good in this, but you know me, slow learner.”

Holt nodded silently, he looked at Jake for a moment before speaking, “Peralta, I would not consider you slow, I think you have had to learn a lot, but that is not a bad thing, you have grown and become a much stronger person in the process.”

“Yeah? I might become the strongest person you know soon, sorry, sarcasm, but it’s how I deal with things.”

Holt offered a small grin, “Jake, do not think that I am judging you, even a little, I am actually in awe of you. I have suffered only a little of what you have, and that hurt, that was difficult. Being in witness protection was more difficult than I let on, but you also have had to deal with prison, your wedding fiasco, and now this. I salute you Peralta, you may be down for a bit, you never stay down. Many people could learn from you, myself included.”

Jake felt confused, he wasn’t used to this, small amounts yes, but this felt different. “Thanks Cap’n, I just gotta do what I gotta do. Today has felt different for me, like for the first time since I found out, I can see, however little, that I can still have a life, a good one.” Jake paused as he looked down at his legs, “it is hard to not focus on how much I’ve lost, but I get to see and hold Amy and the future Raymond Peralta,” Jake smiled as Holt cocked his head in either confusion, horror, or appreciation, it was always hard to tell, “just kidding, we don’t even know the sex yet.”

Amy and Jake

Jake felt somber yet thankful as he rolled his wheelchair up the ramp that replaced the stairs that previously been there, Amy unlocked the door, Jake marveled how well he and his wheelchair fit through the new door and adjusted doorway.

“They left a little mess and have a little work to do still my dad said, but they did a great job.”

Jake nodded, “yeah, looks awesome, cool, cool, cool, cool.

“Jake, what?”

Jake sighed, “Ames, I am thankful, I am. I’m thankful I’m alive, beyond thankful. I’m thankful our friends helped us with the apartment, it’s just…it’s just hard to get used to the fact that I can’t walk in here, can’t carry you in my arms like I’ve done, a lot. I’ll get over it. For sures.”

Amy shut and locked the front door and walked toward, she sat down on the edge of his lap, then lowered a hand and grabbed his groin, softly yet seductively, “let’s make new memories then, the only thing you have lost is the ability to walk, I know it’s a lot, yet that leaves us a lot to do.”

She leaned toward his neck and laid soft kisses up and down, Jake took in the familiar touch, he felt himself growing aroused, yet he still had not moved at all.

“Jake,” she pulled back to look into his eyes, “is this not okay?”

He shook his head, “no, it’s great, sorry, just taking it in, this is new for me, not being with you, but I’m limited now, never had that before like this, so knowing how to proceed…”

Amy didn’t give him a chance to finish before she had gotten off his lap and pulled down his sweats enough to be able to take Jake’s cock in her mouth, “now that feels the same, that’s good.”

As Amy continued bobbing on him, he felt the same pleasure he always had, he didn’t know how the actual sex would work, but he couldn’t think more about it when Amy stopped with her mouth and undressed completely and then faced him, sitting on him, her legs around him. Jake gasped when he felt himself enter her, the familiar yet exhilarating feeling. His upper thighs felt every bounce of Amy as she continued to raise and lower herself on him. As he looked at Amy, her eyes were closed, he could tell she was getting close, as he watched her breasts bounce, he concentrated on the feeling and just after he heard Amy reach her climax, he spilled into her. Amy fell gently forward and buried her head in his shoulder.

“I like this memory Jake, a lot.” She sighed contently, Jake ran his hands up and down her back, reveling in the feeling of the touch of her skin.

“It’s a good start Ames, a good start.”


End file.
